So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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