this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
