He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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