I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
