I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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