I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
