I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This baby is an asshole
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
