There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
