it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
