Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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