I accidentally had phone sex last night
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
