I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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