ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
