Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
