I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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