I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I had to cum in my sink.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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