Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
