i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
