everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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