Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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