At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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