apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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