my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
