i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
