So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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