Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
