so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
