dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
