They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
