Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
