Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
