you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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