Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize