I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
