I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You brought string cheese to the strip club
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
