Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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