ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
