Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
