it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
