dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
