the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
