TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize