so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
