idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
