it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
