Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
