honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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