i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
