It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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