too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You took a bar mat shot.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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