the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
