so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
