Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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