i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
