my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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