She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
