I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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