I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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