I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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