I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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