i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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