She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
