Moan for me like Helen Keller
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
