am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
