I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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