he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
