True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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