Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
