you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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