Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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