I CAN MOONWALK!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i out mim tonsoeep
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
